Further proverbs 3 study

1: ESV says let your heart keep my commandments. Why my heart?

     The NIV says "Store my commands in your heart" and the NIV says something similar. I guess the heart is sort of where the soul lives. I suppose that it is similar to the verse that says to "keep the scriptures written on your heart" (or something like that). You need to know the word without needing to look it up and then it will pour out through your mouth and your actions.

2: Everybody wants a long life right? But not everybody gets it. Follow God's commandments, and you get it...simple as that? Maybe we are not necessarily talking about mortal life. But peace! Peace would certainly be nice. If I could feel peace, especially in this stage of my life with my son in the NICU, that would be wonderful. It is just hard with Christmas looming near. I feel frustrated (sometimes more than others) by the whole situation. I guess that means that I am not trusting very well. Hudson will come home when God wants him home. Perhaps I need to open my eyes a little to see where God has me. Help me be a light in the NICU. There is a tug on my heart to have a conversation with the Mom in the first cubicle. She has been there for a month and her frustration is sky high. Anyway, Help me keep your commandments in my heart so that I can have peace in my current situation. Bring to my mind your scriptures so that they may flow from my actions and my mouth.

3: How can love and faithfulness forsake me?
     Forsake really means to leave.So if something has left me, it may be a skill which I have not practiced. If I do not practice ovine God and others, I may get selfish and only love myself.
Whatever I need to do, I need to keep the Lord's commandments, to follow his will. If that means writing it on my hand, so be it. If that means memorizing, forgetting, and rememorizing, so be it!

4: It says I will find "good success". What does bad success look like?
     Other translations say "good understanding", "high esteem", "good reputation", "high regard", or "good repute". There seems to a lot of variation. Some of these others make more sense to me. Many say "good understanding", but they are all the older versions. good reputation, or high esteem makes better sense to me.

5: The words are direct enough, but application is really difficult. God is not physically here to remind me to trust him, so when I don't think about it...I don't. I need to constantly remind myself that God has everything under control and I don't have to have it all together.

6: How do I "acknowledge him in all my ways"?
     Admit the truth of God in my art, words, actions, reactions. He will then lead me where I need to be; where he wants me to be.

This whole thing makes me sick!

I am so frustrated! My son has been in the Hospital NICU for a week and a day. I really thought he would be home by now. He's not. Today I am feeling anxious and sorry for myself because Hudson may not make it home for Christmas. This evening I have found myself tearing up at random times and sometimes the tears just flow. As I was looking over at his bassinet, filled with bottles and pump parts, I lost it. There is supposed to be a baby in there!

In the hospital they feed him every 3 hours around the clock with 50 ml milk. EVERY 3 hours. When a baby is home, they at least have the privilege to sleep for a bit longer if they want to. My son sleeps all the time and always needs to be woken for feeding.

I know that they are doing what "studies say" and what they are paid to do. But I just...I don't know...I want to blame someone, I guess. I know that I am feeling sorry for myself, and likely overacting. But I can't help it. I am at home with an incomplete family.

I am on maternity leave and I cannot really fulfill my maternal duties.

Lord, help! Perspective. He will be home soon, if not for Christmas, then shortly after. He won't be there forever. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

Not sleeping sucks

I am so tired, but I am not sleeping. I hope that I am not becoming an insomniac. This happened to me last night too, only last night I was in my little hospital room and I could go down and see my newborn son. This morning I am at home, and while it is wonderful to be home, I can't go see my son at will.

I didn't go to church yesterday. I could have, but I just didn't think I could face all the questions and comments. Not that they would have been really bad, it just didn't feel right to leave my newborn in the hospital and go off to church. Oh! how I want him home! My eyes are filling as I type, but I don't know if it's from hormones or from lack of sleep.

I tried to read on in Samuel, but as soon as I start the passage, by eyes unfocus and my mind seems to shut off. I guess I will just read something a little less mind engaging and a little more encouraging.

Looks like it is going to be the first part of Proverbs 3:

1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. 
When I am not sleeping, my mind is racing (at least it has been lately). I am thinking about all the things that I need to do and want to do; many of which will not get done. I simply do not have enough time to do all the things that I need to do, which is why not being able to sleep is so frustrating. I could be doing stuff right now! If I could only quiet my mind and remember God's teaching, maybe I could get some rest.

3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. 
I often try to recite a verse while I lay, I didn't try tonight, I'm not sure why. I know that I am very distracted. I need to make sure that I do that before I get up, because it would be much better for me if I could just sleep! I guess that what I have been doing while not sleeping is worrying. On the other hand, sometimes I come up with some great ideas while laying there with nothing else to do. I need some kind of balance...

4 So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 
I don't know why the Lord is not granting me sleep...I guess part of the reason is because I have not asked for it. Lord, please help me sleep this morning. There, that being done, if I still can't sleep then there must be a reason for it, whether I ever find out why is up to God. But maybe he just wanted me to spend some time in his word, which I had not done yesterday. It doesn't make sense to me as to why I can't sleep. I am tired, therefore, I should sleep. Yet here I am... God, help me accept my current lot and trust that you have it all under control, because I can't control any of it!

6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 
Even in this circumstance I can recognize that you are in the drivers seat. I need to be a good passenger and not try to take the wheel. You know the right roads and you will lead me where I need to be. It is getting harder to accept my son's presence in the NICU as time passes. All I want is for him to be home, and there is nothing I can do about that, It's so frustrating! Jesus, please help me to let this go and trust in you. Please help me sleep.

New normal

Ok, we had an empty house for one night before Hudson Willard Lewis joined us. It has been 5 days since his birth and he is still in the NICU. He is doing well, he just needs to learn how to eat. So I am here at the hospital to deliver milk and be with my son. They let me try to breastfeed last time I was down there, it was wonderful.

So, in the post before last I said that things were back to normal because all the grandparents were gone for a while...well. Now we are going to have a new normal. I am now part of a family of 4. Wow. It all came so sudden, as I said before, I am not ready. But, such is life. There is a reason why God wanted Hudson to be here now, and I may never be privileged to know the reason. And that's ok.

Oh! Trust. "Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation, for you I will with all the day long." Your timing is perfect. Help me to come to you today with a hunger to learn from you through your word for "all scripture is God breathed" and I can grow closer to you every day.

Life is really not terrible. I do have struggles, but I live under grace and have no need to fear death. Nothing in this life can separate me from the love and sacrifice that Christ gave. I choose to seek him no matter what life sends me. Even when it sends me sweet bundles of joy! Help me, Jesus, to be grateful to you for this gift of life, for Hudson would not have life if it were not for you.

It is a beautiful day! Lead me on and I will run after you!

Labor is coming

I am sitting up in bed because sleep is pretty much impossible. I am having contractions every 10 minutes or so and all I can think about is how NOT ready that I am to have this baby. My due date is not for another month. But this baby is coming, and soon!

I made some very quick lesson plans for the week. And I am thinking about just doing the plans for the following week, too. They shouldn't be too hard, it is going to be finals week. It is just a matter of getting everything organized and ready.

12:51 am. Contraction.

I fear what may happen. The last birth...did not really go as planned. So, for this pregnancy, I didn't really make any plans. And now I feel unprepared and scared. Although, that may be partly because I am running more than a month early.

Brian conked out earlier, just after we picked out a verse for our unborn son and

12:54. Contraction

prayed over the birth. We also packed a small bag, although, the infant carseat is still in the garage and we did not pack anything for Emmett.

It is so late. I am going to be completely exhausted today. It is a good thing that I stayed home from school today and caught up on some sleep. I woke in the middle of the night last night pretty light headed and with diarrhea...another sign that labor will be here soon.

12:57. Contraction

But they are not terribly painful. I just don't know. I really don't want to get sent home like many women do. On the other hand, I don't want Brian to have to deliver the baby in the car either...

I had a doctor's appointment today. It was supposed to be the first of my every week appointments. The doctor casually measured the baby and checked the heartbeat, everything looks great.

12:59. Contraction

Then she checks my cervix...she said she could hardly get her hand in there because the bag of fluid was completely covering the hole. Hole. I was 5 or 6 cm dilated at 5 pm today. This baby is coming.

But I have not really started to get nervous until I turned off the lights and tried to get some rest. I just keep thinking

1:02. Contraction, slightly more painful.

about how NOT ready that I am.  Maybe I should start looking up what finals I did last time around.

1:05. Contraction, same level of pain.

1:09. Contraction, pretty painful...I think it may be time to wake Brian.

1:13. Contraction, same

1:20. Contraction, increasing in pain, lasting a bit longer

1:26. Contraction, same

1:34. Contraction, same

1:39. Contraction, same

1:42. Contraction, more severe...almost done setting up finals for my classes

1:49. Contraction. Really waking Brian up this time.

1 Samuel 6, Trying to get back into the swing of things

Our house is now empty and life will be back to normal for at least a couple of weeks. What with Brian's dad staying here all week this week and the week before being out of town for Thanksgiving, it seems that I have had even less time than usual.

I really do love The house guest that we have, but I have decided that I really don't like having him here. I could list the reasons, but mainly, because he is very awkward and he does not really do things that Emmett's other grandparents do...like volunteer to play with his grandson. Like help clean up the house (or at least after dinner). Perhaps I am being too critical, but I just feel like sometimes we are just catering to him while he is here. I know that he would do more to help out if I asked, and maybe if I mention something about this to Brian, he would talk to his dad about it. But I just really don't like having him here.

Oh, Lord, forgive my...what? Lack of hospitality? If it is my heart that needs to change, change it! or give me the courage to say something or do something else. I don't want to be inappropriate or out of line, but I can't help the way I feel, can I?

Perhaps, now that things are back to what I would call normal, I will be able to have more meaningful times with the Lord and perhaps the nitpicky part of me will subside a little.

Speaking of being back in the word; I read 1 Samuel 6 today.

It was all about how the Philistines had plagues and disease among them because they had possession of the ark of the Lord. So, after a bit of suffering, they sent it back to Israel in hopes that God would stop the plagues. Funny thing, chapter 6 never actually says whether or not God removed the suffering from their land...

I am not really certain what to take from this chapter...

I guess you could say that God's will WILL be done, whether he works through his people or not. 

Pressure to get it done, trying to find more time...

I have decided to put aside my book and probably not pick it up again. It got better as I went along, but it was really not engaging.

Our church is currently doing a study on 1 Samuel, so I have decided to go along with it to continue my Judges study from last summer and fall. It was a kind of depressing ending, moving on to the era of the kings would be good. Only problem is that I think that Dave is going to be moving through them rather quickly, so I may not be able to keep up. I have made it through to Chapter 5 so far, averaging a chapter a day, but it has been late night, forced reading and I know that I am not getting much out of it.

I have been so busy trying to run a side business (which has made zero profit) and trying to get ready for my maternity leave that I have not made the time to really spend with the Lord; studying his word and praying.

I have not totally neglected my faith, as I said before, I read for 5 minutes or so every night and go through my prayer cards, but that's it.

I just have so much on my mind lately that I don't feel like I can give the time the Lord deserves. I have very little self discipline. I say that I am going to do my QT when Emmett goes to bed, which is early enough for me to be coherent, but then I go off and do something else, lately it has been preparing for maternity leave. I am actually making video screencast tutorials to walk them through how to use photoshop, which I figured I could sell when they are all finished, but that means that I want them to be really high quality, and they are taking a lot of my time.

On top of that, my due date is approaching and I start to fear and wonder what would happen if I delivered early...I would have zero time to work on these tutorials and would have to find something entirely different to do.

So, that is the pressure that I am feeling and part of the reason that I feel my faith is on the back burner right now.

blah!

I got into a sort-of-spat with my husband this evening, I have asked God for forgiveness for it because I know that it is at least half my fault. I have not asked my husband's forgiveness...It is so much harder to ask forgiveness from a human than it is to ask God. I know that God will forgive me, but a human may have no desire to do so. NOT that my husband won't forgive me, but with other people, I am much less likely to be forgiven, and then it is just awkward. 

I have been VERY sluggish with my QTs lately. I've been thinking so much about other things (work, home improvement, visiting family, trying to start an online business...which is not going so well) that I have neglected what should be the most important part of my day. I don't know why I continue to do this. 

WHY is it so easy to break a good habit and replace it with a bad one?

I guess that would be the devil at work, he loves to use distraction in my life to make me less Christ centered. There is so much that I want to do, and even though I prioritize every day, I am always ending my day feeling behind. 

I cannot see an answer to this issue. I think it will be my continual thorn in my side. Unless I am able to cut some things out of my day...but I do not see that happening either, at least not for a while. And life will only get more busy as the new year arrives with family member #4.

Lord, help me see perspective. This life is but a season, whether or not I finish my day feeling accomplished; whether or not I end this month ahead, whether or not I make all the right choices this year, whether or not I end this life with money. Whatever happens, you will always be there, standing by silently. Guiding and teaching whenever I am willing to seek the truth.

"Lead me in your truth and guide me, for you are the God of my salvation, for you I will wait all the day long." Ps 25:5

The Grace Awakening, Chapter 6

I know that it has been forever since the last post, I have been awful at quiet times lately. It only takes a day of forgetting to get out of the habit, why is that?

Anyway...

Chapter 6 was good, Charles talk about the slavery of sin and the fact that our slave master (Satan) wants us to live in that sin and think that it is freedom. It's true, so many people do.

I do not really think that I am living in this falsehood. I certainly sin sometimes, but I don't feel that I "continue to sin that grace may abound," as it says in Romans 6.

I need to study through Romans again someday, but it is so deep and I find it hard to follow, but it was good to walk through Romans 6 with Charles. He said that you need to KNOW that you are free. Our Identity has been changed since we accepted Christ. We are like a fabric dipped in red die, changed forever, one with Christ.

He also said that you need to CONSIDER ourselves to be dead to sin.

And lastly, to PRESENT ourselves to God as free.

p. 112: Not only must there be intelligent calculation (consider) based on true information (know), there also has to be a presentation of ourselves to God.

The Grace Awakening, Chapter 5

I skipped chapter 4. Chapter 3 was just so hard to get through that I thought that I would just skip through a few other chapters and be done with this book.

but...

This chapter was actually quite interesting and engaging for me. It was all about fighting for your liberty in the face of legalism.

Liberty is freedom from something or freedom to do something. We are free to live the way that God has made us, regardless of how he leads others. 

Legalism is an attitude based in pride. Legalists conform to artificial standards and often try to force others to do the same. They may do this in one of 3 different ways:

1. doctrinal heresy: This happens when people twist the word of God to meet their own agenda (Fred Phelps and his band of followers)
2. ecclesiastical harassment: It makes me think of the neighbor who looks through their window to make sure that everyone is doing everything exactly right and reports it when the grass is an inch too long or the car didn't make it into the driveway or...They spy so that they can point out the faults of others and try to get them to conform.
3. and hypocrisy: Those who lie and deceive. Denying faults in the face of opposition.

So what is the response? Of course don't be a legalist, but also stand against them:

1. stand firm in your faith
2. stop seeking the favor of others
3. live honestly, know the truth and live by it.

I don't know if I fall into this trap all the time, but I do know that I have been deceived in the past. Lord, help me to seek truth daily and be certain of the truth that I live by.

Follow up: Galatians 5.

The Grace Awakening, Chapter 3

I don't think that the author and I are completely agreeing on everything here. I am a little skeptical of some of the things that he is saying.

In this chapter he is saying that grace is risky, which is true because there are many ways that people could misinterpret you when you preach it. For example, that you can continue sinning because God's grace covers all your sins. This is completely bogus. Romans states clearly in chapter six that this is not true. I have no argument there.

My argument comes when Charles talks about grey areas. He says that we live in grey areas and we are not to push our beliefs on others. I agree with the second part, but I do not agree with the first. I think that there are some areas that are "grey," like end times discussions (nobody really knows what is going to happen until it does) or how to pray to God. But there are issues that are very black and white, such as abortion, homosexuality, or how to achieve eternal life.

It isn't that I feel the need to get on a soap box and proclaim all these things, but I am also not going to say "This is what I believe, you choose what is right for you" because I KNOW I'm right.

Giving others grace is important, I know that and I understand that. I guess I just don't like the way that Charles Swindoll is presenting it in his book.

The book also just doesn't seem to be very engaging for me, I find myself not listening to the text as I read. I may read another chapter in the middle and then move on to something else. No use reading something if it is not challenging and engaging.

Comparison

Never ending. Whether I recognize that I am doing it or not, I am always doing it. I especially don't realize that I am doing it when my comparisons make me look good. It hurts more when I am comparing myself to someone that is better than me in many, many ways.

What brings this up?

We are going to see relatives this weekend. *sigh* She is a party planner, a super neat freak, and an all around super mom. At least, that is the face that she shows. I always feel inadequate, even though I know that it is stupid. That many of the things that she does are either unnecessary or make absolutely no difference when I am not around her.

I am who I am. I have flaws, yes, but a beloved creature of God and he loves me as I am.

Galatians 1:10
     For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

God, please help me to keep my perspective this weekend.

The Grace Awakening, Chapter 2

I have had a slightly frustrating evening. My 20 month old son was very cranky and I had two 20 minute car trips of screaming. I have not quite mastered the skill of peaceably ignoring such things. I am able to ignore to an extent, but I get pretty irritated, stewing in the front seat. I love my son very much, but some days he can be difficult, like all children, I suppose.

Ok, there is my rant, on to more important things. I have started this new online business selling digital cards. I am not really sure how it will go, but I am praying for patience, because I think that it will take some time and effort to get it to where it will be profitable.

I also want to be more intensional about my walk with Christ or in the ways that I display my faith, which I think means I will be sponsoring some kind of Christian club at school. I think that it will be really good and I think that I am more excited than I am scared :).

As I wrap up chapter 2 in The Grace Awakening, I am reflecting on our free gift: grace. Humanism is rampant everywhere in our society, elevating our achievements and our abilities. I this chapter, Charles wants to outline that while we can do a lot as humans, we can never enter heaven without divine intervention. You can't get there by following a set of rules, as the Pharisees did, nor by working really, really hard. It is called a gift because it cannot be earned. Grace is ours for the taking, we just have to choose it.

Passive Aggressive Disorder tendencies

This week at church we talked about Passive aggressive behaviors. The three ways that the passive aggressive person expresses himself is by:

1. defying requests from authority by doing the absolute minimum required of them (they make it easier for their bosses to do the job themselves than to ask this person to do it).
2. refusing to prepare for the future (will not compete and is never ready for when opportunities knock).
3. using your critique of their performance as a reason to leave the relationship.

It was also communion Sunday and I felt like this was a very good message for it. It really helped my self examine.

It is really easy to allow others to do things that I can do myself or to let a moment pass when I could have done something about a certain situation or said something that would make a difference. I find myself doing the minimum work required of me in several situations.

My goal this week is to be more intensional...but I am not entirely certain what that entails. I want to be intensional with my walk in Christ, obviously, and I think I could definitely improve there. But I also feel like I could be more intensional at work, too. One way would be to start a Bible club, which I have been approached about by a couple of students to sponsor FCA...but I am not a coach. So, I need some guidance there. Lord, I do want to do this, lead me in the day that I should go.

New book, The Grace Awakening, by Charles R. Swindoll

I have decided to read a "spiritual book" now instead of another book of the Bible. Not that I need a break, although, I probably should read a more...uplifting book of the Bible after that. I just haven't read a spiritual book in a long time and the timing seems right.

I am reading The Grace Awakening. The first chapter talked about what he calls "grace killers." These are "Christians" who are only concerned with following rules. This is what you get when you do not incorporate grace in your walk. God gave us grace. He has showed us favor even though we don't deserve it and can never earn it. So, we must also extend that grace to others.

If we can awaken ourselves to grace, we can expect to:

1. gain a greater appreciation for the gifts of others and our own (salvation, life, laughter. music. beauty. friendship forgiveness),
2. spend less time being critical of and concerned with the choices of others (less petty, allowing others to make their own decisions in life),
3. become more tolerant and less judgmental (cultivate a desire for authentic faith rather than a religion based on superficial performance),
4. become more mature.

We shall see how this goes. I have never blogged through a book before. I think it will be good, sounds interesting so far. I could definitely do better with #2, I can be very judgmental at times.

Judges Reflection

Now that I have finished this book...what should I say? 

Don't stray away from the truth just because those around you do. Remember God's teachings when you have thoughts about how good others seem to have it in comparison to you. You can easily get caught in allowing yourself to sin just because others say that it is ok, and then worse, believe that it is true.

Keep God's word with you at all times to guard against a fall back into evil ways. When it seems easy to skip a Quiet time, or break a promise,  or not have a servant's heart, remember how easy it is to get into a bad habit and how hard it is to break it.

When you do backslide, be humble enough to admit the mistake, repent, and move on, instead of trying to fix it by your own means. It will not end well, in the same way that the book of Judges did not end well.

whew! I can't believe that I am finally done reading Judges. Took me two and a half months to get through it, but I think that there were some good lessons in there. I don't know what I will read next. Our church is doing a study on personalities, I may just read a spiritual book until we finish with that, I know that there are a lot of books in my house that have not been read...

Judges 21

10: Who is this Jabesh-gilead, and why are they finding it ok to completely destroy them? They are not even Cannanite.
     They slaughtered a whole city because they would not join in a fight, but the city met their needs so they just took what they wanted from them. They made an oath when they agreed to join in the fight not to "supply wives" but this town did not. Their bad choice (the oath) was covered up by another bad choice (slaughter)...these things just snowball.

14: These poor women, I cannot think of many worse situations to be in.

15: "the Lord had made a breach in the tribes of Israel" - so now they are blaming their transgressions on God. I suppose many of us do the same things, especially when our perspective is off.

21: More unfair acts against women. I imagine that those girls didn't dance much after that.

God really does need to be at the forefront of our lives at all times. At the time, it seemed logical to shun an entire tribe and refuse to aid them in their mere survival. But in hind sight, they realized their grave mistake. Then they continued their evil deeds and never allowed God's council. God, please help me to make you the forefront of my mind before every decision and action.

Feeling satisfied today

I do not know what it is about checking things off of a list that is so satisfying...an odd sense of accomplishment that only I can appreciate. Today, I finished my list...I did't even cheat by adding small things to it to make it look like I did better than I did. 

*sigh*

I feel overall satisfied with my current position in life, too. I am no longer teaching yearbook, I have another career option in mind (so that I can possibly stay home some day), my son is really starting to blossom and learn (especially language, it is very fun around our house...most days), and more days than not, I leave work with nothing to finish over the weekend. Well, there may be a few things that I should do...but I have learned to put things off that are not top priority, at least in that area of my life.

I am praying now about that other career option that I mentioned above. I have realized that I haven't really talked to God about it too much. I have been doing a lot of research for it and made a few minor decisions, but I mostly just do my own thing and leave God out of it. 

I have opened an Etsy account and plan to sell digital cards. I want to sell those photo christmas cards, birth announcements, party invitations, and the like. I can't decide if I want to sell them as the raw file, which would be much easier because I can set up an automatic download for it, or if I want to sell JPEGs where I put in the information and the pictures, which would be safer because nobody could take or sell my stuff in turn.

With the baby on the way, I think I want to sell the raw file, much easier in the long run...but I don't know...I could do both. Lord, I know this is small, but give me wisdom!

Judges 20

13: Israel was reasonable in their request, yet the Benjamanites refused. So much bloodshed could have been avoided...

15-16: Again, stupidity. 26,700 men is impressive. But against 400,000...should we not be rethinking this?

18: This is the first mention of God in this matter. Why is he not consulted earlier?


23: The men of Judah went up against the men of Gibeah, and failed miserably, then when they inquire of the Lord he says, "Go again!" Is it faith or stupidity that made them go again?


28: Now that is the response that I would be looking for from God. (not that I ever get clear verbal responses from God. But this time, they were different in their approach. They fasted, they prayed, they were distressed. God tells us to ask with expectancy, but was the faith there in the first two tries?
     Based on what they did (fasting and prayer) it seems that they were more prepared to meet God. 

God responds to us when our hearts are in the right place. Israel went up against the enemy twice without consulting God with a humble heart. It took them two miserable defeats to get there, and sometimes that is what it takes for us, too. Lord, please make me aware of your leading presence and learn from mistakes quickly.

Histrionic Disorder Tendencies

Tonight at group we talked about our tendencies toward Histrionic behaviors.
First...what is it?

Basically, it is a specialized version of Narcissism. The Histrionic wants all the attention, it is not necessarily that they feel like they are better than everyone else, but they want everyone to know how they are feeling and what they are doing. This usually occurs at the expense of everyone listening.

There were a few attributes that we went over at church yesterday: They

1. must be the center of attention.
2. have strange ailments when they are not getting enough attention
3. have disproportionate responses. They are more important than everyone else, so when they talk to people, they always respond with a selfish response.
4. tempt people.
5. are skin deep. Everything is a drama.

If I were to relate to any of these, I think it would be the third one. I am not prone to want to be the center of attention (unless I am around friends, perhaps), but I know that I often do not know how to respond to people when they are telling me a story. I am often thinking about the next thing that I am going to say so that there is not that awkward lull in the conversation or so that I can have my part in the conversation.

1 Timothy 4:7-8. Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

If I were to pull anything away from this week it would be to really listen to people when they talk to me and allow the conversation to flow as it may. This way my responses can be a little more genuine.

We discussed at group today a challenge: celebrate someone who does not usually get attention. I know that I have loads of opportunity at school to do this, there are many kids that just allow life to happen around them instead of engaging and while I do make an effort to talk to each kid in each class (I have very small classes) I imagine that I could make an effort to really talk up someone's art or character in front others in the room.

Judges 19

1: Why are both of this and the previous stories about Levites?
     I think that it is appropriate Judges concludes with stories about Levites. It was their responsibility to lead the people to worship the one true God and their actions reflect the actions of the entire nation.

2: How was the concubine unfaithful to him? By going back to her father's house, or by being with another man?
     This was definitely a sexual relationship, not only is that the indication, but other versions of the bible say that she "played the whore against him." I was just trying to give her the benefit of doubt.

5: Why did the Father-in-law press him, because he liked him, or to keep his daughter home?

     He was just being hospitable, he was likely very glad that the Levite was not going to kill his daughter.

10: Being over frustrated can lead one to make bad decisions.

20: It does kind of amaze me the culture in which people live where taking in a stranger is an obligation and generosity is expected. Even in such a culturally immoral time, people still cared for one another (at least some of them did). If there was a man and all his belongings sitting in the middle of our town square, I would certainly not be the first to say, "Come, stay with me." I would fear for my safety and for the safety of those in my house.

22-26: Things are as bad as they were in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.

28: Heartless and cold. He does not care for her more than he cares for a donkey. What a sad existence. Samson may have been mad with passion and blind with lust, but at least he was capable of loving.

29-30: This is so unimaginable. It is hard to think that anyone could do such a thing. But, I have lived a sheltered life. There are perverted people out there...

The moral decay of this nation is unfathomable, people can be so evil. This makes me fear for my nation. Are we that far away from this? Sure, most people would not consider it ok to cut up a dead woman and send it in the mail, but many consider it ok to kill an unborn child or have sexual relations with another of the same gender. Touchy topics, I know, but still wrong and sinful. My God, save this nation from such debauchery, help me be the adopted child you have called me to be and commit to pray for our sad nation.

Philippians 2 examination

I have been memorizing Philippians 2:3-9(ish) and I am feeling some need to personally dissect the verses. I do not do this very often. Usually I just read memorize and move on, but these ones are sticking me a little.

3: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yoursleves. This is so counter intuitive to the way that humans think. We want to look out for #1 and make sure that everyone knows who is in charge. But Paul is telling us to drop this notion and actually value others more than yourself. And there is no limitation on who these "others" may be. They may be people that you actually do consider more significant than yourself (parents, husband, respected authority figures, childhood heroes, most of my work relationsips :). Or, they may be people that you don't necessarily respect or admire (my students, my president, some of the bosses I serve under people I meet randomly). The question is, what do I need to do with this?

4: Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of yourselves.  This verse is actually somewhat of a comfort to me. Maybe I am seeing this in a selfish way, but in the back of my mind I always considered my faith to be an "all about others" kind of thing. Which is true, don't get me wrong, but this makes it sound like the emergency plan that airplanes use where you are supposed to secure yours first before anyone else's. If you don't...you may not make it!

5: Have this mind among you, which is yours in Christ Jesus, It is mine because he generously gave it to me. If only I would link in with it. It is truly the only way that verses 4 and 5 can be accomplished, because humans are not born with the mindset of servants.

Judges 18

1: No inheritance was was given to them because they did not take care of business a long time ago and drive out the heathens who lived in the land that was to be theirs. I guess that this is a case where the sins of the father does pass on to the son.

6: yeah, God sees what they are doing, that doesn't mean that he APPROVES of it.

18: I wonder if the Levite was scared (there were 600 armed men, after all) or if his attitude was slightly aloof. The Danites did not take him by force but they could have, it was in their character to take what they wanted. Hard to say if the Levite felt any loyalty to Micah, after all, he seemed to be a man of comfort and ease.

27: "Quiet and unsuspecting" people are often the victims of such crimes. It is so easy to take advantage of someone who does not have a voice or does not have help at hand. This is a good reason to make sure that you have a good support system behind you, lest the enemy take you by surprise.

Distracted

My mind goes in 20 different directions at once. How am I supposed to slow down enough to pray, meditate on the word, and generally just "be still" when my brain is going 90 mph in ANY other direction.

I know that the human brain is fallible (especially mine), but I have always found it amazing that I cannot even sit for 30 being still before God before I am thinking about what I am going to eat after this or the fact that I should organize my sock drawer (oh yes, it has happened).

It makes me feel slightly hopeless, Yet, I know that this is an issue for me, and I have spoken to many others (most everyone I speak with on the topic) who have the same issue. We need to keep going and not forget what our prize is. :)

Judges 17

3-4: The mixing of religions. Micah's mother thought to honor God with her actions here, but in actuality she was committing a grave sin. How many times are false actions performed with good intentions justified in the eyes of man? When does this happen in my life?

6: This is never a good sentence.

13: What an I compare this to? I know that I will be blessed because...I have a job that pays well; I go to church and am a good person; people envy me. Just because the requirements seem to be there (a levite is your priest) that does not mean that you are moving in the direction that God wants you to go (this Levite WAS NOT ordained by God). God may want you to work in another place where you can be a great light for him; you may not be saved; you may be incredibly unhappy on the inside because you are focusing too much attention inward instead of outward.

God blesses as he chooses, and he blesses those who honor him and follow after him closely, Oh Lord, please help me to seek you wholly and make you first in my life.

Been a little...sluggish lately

I have been slightly unavailable lately, and by that I mean that I have not allowed myself enough time to slow down and actually HAVE bible study and prayer time.

IF I read it is very uncommitted. I do not put my whole mind into it, or I do it too late.

And when I pray it is mainly going through the list. I have not been allowing myself to sit quietly and reflect on the day or pray the words that come to my mind, which is how I often find faults in my character or attitude.

It has been busy in my life in between work starting up again and Emmett demanding most of my time at home. My evening quiet times often get shoved too late in the night to really be productive. I don't have the awareness that I would have if I had had enough sleep the night before and/or if I had started reading and praying an hour or so earlier.

My small group is doing a study through our church about recognizing personality character traits within yourself that hold you captive somehow. This week we went over Narcissism. Examples:

• Exaggerated view of self (obviously) 
• Grandiosity 
• Lack of Empathy
• Being unimpressed by others
• Refusing personal accountability

I have not listened to the sermon yet, so I will listen to it when it is released and hopefully get a better idea of how we are supposed to apply this. I was a little confused at group. Obviously, you do not want these characteristics to define you. It is not the way that Jesus taught or lived.

I couldn't say at group which one that I identified with most, but now that I have time to reflect, it may be "exaggerated view of self". I often feel that the privileges that I enjoy somehow make me superior to others, or the decisions that I have made, make me better. My decisions DO make me the person that I am today, but I am no more valued by God than anyone else. 

The verse that was given with this study is Philippians 2:3-8:

• Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,1 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,2 being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

This will be my new memorization verses for this week starting with three, and we'll see how far I get.

I will continue my Judges study in the mean time. Learning about the decay of a culture and a God who loves.

Judges 16

1: He seemed to be quite the ladies man.

9: I will never understand the stupidity of Samson. You tell her something that you expect her to keep secret and the next thing you know she is putting what you said to the test, implementing the very thing that you told her would be your downfall. Why do you stay with such a woman? I guess the whole relationship is based on the lie of lust anyway. This "love" of his is very superficial. Still, I will never understand the person who will stay with another when they know that they are a lier and a manipulator. Ignorance is not bliss.

16: "vexed to death" Does the bible exaggerate?

20: How many chances did God give him before he left him. Seemingly 3 strikes and you are out (he broke all 3 of the Nazarite rules), yet there were numerous other chances for Samson to change and he refused to do so.

27: In his death he killed more of the enemy than he ever did when he was alive. Yet when he asked God for the strength, It was for personal gain and not for the "glory of God" or the "will of God". God decided to grant Samson's prayer because it was what God willed. We pray for many things, but in the end, God's will will be done.

"Ask and it will be given you..." may be true, but not if it is not the will of God. Lord, help me to seek you fully and completely and make my words become so aligned with yours that we may be one. That sounds very good, but I am really just praying for help to pray well.

Judges 15

1: I am confused, I thought that Samson's wife was given to his best friend in the last chapter, and I thought Samson knew about it.
   

3: ...Why does Samson think he will be innocent when he does harm to others?
     Our actions are always our own. His anger he feels is justified, but it doesn't make it right. 

10-11: Do the people of Judah know that Samson is their judge (for that matter, does Judah)? For a people who are slave to another nation, they act very much like they do not want to be freed.
     One does wonder after such an interaction. It is a sad place to be in: contentment in slavery, yet so many people live in sin and relish it.

The slavery of sin runs deep within us all, and we do not want to give it up. Like the dirty nasty baby blanket of Linel(?) in Charlie Brown's story. The more you hold on, the more dirty and nasty it gets. Judah bound Samson soundly, but he broke free with ease. And though his story is not ideal, like his story, we can break free from our bonds just as easy. Lord, help me find the deep in-grained sins and break away from them.

Judges 14

4: God decided to use this seemingly vain, impulsive young man to fulfill his plans. He knows the strengths and weaknesses of Samson and God places in his path the tools needed to steer him in the right direction. It is just sad that God cannot use Samson from his obedience. This is what makes the end of Samson's life so tragic.

6: The only reason to keep something from your mother and father is if you are not proud of the actions or decisions you have made.

9: Disgusting.

11: "They brought 30 companions to be with him." What manner of men would consent to be another's companion just like that? Does it not take time and energy to truly be another's companion?

God will choose whom he will to fulfill his plans. What he has chosen for me I pray that I would be brave enough to do willingly. Otherwise he will either find someone else or turn me into a tool rather than a loved daughter.

Judges 13

5: From previous study, I know that the vow of the Nazarite was generally one that someone chooses. Why would God command Samson to be a Nazarite, even before he was able to have conscious thought? Isn't this a bit like infant baptism?
     I suppose that this could be a type for the average person who rejects God. We are all called to a higher purpose, whether or not we fulfill it is another matter.

12-14: The angel never answers Manoah's question, nor does he answer his other questions later in the chapter. Why so mysterious?
     I know that this is very common, God gives instructions but does not answer the elusive question "why?". Sometimes he wants us to learn from the experience and the journey through it is necessary for growth. It could also be that the man would not perform his task well if he knew what lay ahead. Only God really knows, and we need to trust him. Oh Lord, help me trust you though I do not receive the answers that I feel I deserve.

Judges 12

1: Such pride. Wanting to share in another's glory (really this is God's glory) will result in bad relationships, and ultimately, ruin for yourself if you continue in that pattern. You will have no friends because none will trust you or even desire to be around your prideful spirit.

     And apparently, this is true for Ephraim. They will never again play any important role in Israel history after the civil war that erupted from their rash words.

4: Why are the Gileadites fugitives of Ephraim?

     Aparently,  Gileadites were reckoned both by the western Manassites and Ephraimites as outcasts- the scum and refuse of their common stock. They ran away from their countrymen and dwelled in a land by themselves.

1-7: What is the take away from this passage?
     This Ephraim people once mighty, were brought low. Their arrogance and pride was stripped away from them in one fail swoop. They got away with their sins for many years, but it caught up with them, just as it will with us, should we choose to live in our sin and refuse to repent. Oh Lord, convict me of my unseen sins.

9: The only notable thing said about Izban was about his sin...the beginning of another downward spiral for Israel.

Judges 11

1-3: Doesn't sound like a good start for this Judges cycle.

6: For the first time, the people chose their deliverer, not God, this will not bode well. People look at the outward but God looks inward, at the character and will. Only God can choose a true leader.

11: However, at least Jephthah is communicating with God, which is more than we can say for the previous "king" of Israel.

26: You know, it's kind of odd, this debate reminds me of other people groups who claim injustice years after the fact. American Indians pop to the top of my mind, however, the difference here is that the American people actually did perform horrendous acts to this people group. Even if the violence was mutual. I haven't done enough history reading to really know who was the more violent or just in their actions, but I do know that American Indian groups still point back to the things that happened 200 years ago and ask for compensation.

30-31: It seems that Jephthah is using traditional pegan practices and applying them to the one true deity. Human sacrifice was strictly forbidden for israelites (Lev. 18:21).

35: And then instead of repenting, he does not even come to the Lord, he goes ahead and does this evil deed.

Good intentions can turn very, very bad. Have the courage to admit when you have made a wrong decision, ask for forgiveness, learn from it, and move on.

Judges 10

1-4: So, is it a good thing when your name is barely mentioned in the bible? Does that mean that you did not make any really notable mistakes?

14: Can God lie? He seems to play these games often. Saying that he will not do something, and then ultimately giving in to help the victim. So I guess that he changes his mind. God can do that, I think. But does he say that he will not help just so that he can hear us beg him?

16: What does it mean "impatient over the misery of Israel?
     There are two very different ways of viewing this. Either God had compassion and was impatient over their release, or God was impatient with Israel's continued unfaithfulness. Most bible versions seem to favor the first view, I also think that it is in God's character to be compassionate rather than annoyed. 

18: Was it right for them to be asking this question to one another? Shouldn't they have been asking God? Yet, I often ask others for answers to my problems before I ask God...how is that any different?

God will always take you back, no matter how many other Gods you have been worshipping.

Judges 9

5: What does it mean, he killed them "on one stone"?
     Abimelech and his executioners laid them down one by one over a stone and killed them, which gave the youngest son time to hide.

7-21: So let me get this straight, Jotham spoke loudly to the leaders of Sechem about the ill choice that they made in making Abimelech their king, and them fled to a place called Beer. Would it have been more prudent to stay silent and wait for a time at which he could strike at his murderous brother without being a marked man? Then again, he was likely driven by grief. And when people are in such a state they tend to have issues with their judgement. Also, how is it that he could give this whole speech before the men of Sechem or Abimilech tore him down form his post on Mount Gerizim...?

23: Ok, I have a problem. How is it that this can be printed: "...God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the leaders of Sechem..." And then in James 1:13 we see: "...God cannot be tempted with evil, for he himself tempts no one." How can both statements be true? Isn't sending the spirit equal to tempting these men to sin against each other?

45: Why is Abimelech fighting against the city? Weren't all the relatives of Gaal driven out of the city?
     Abimelech's rage got the better of him. A violent man cannot promise that he will not lose control when his feathers are ruffled. He turned on the very men that originally supported him.

45: What does razed mean?
     Destroyed.

If a leader is not appointed by God or by Godly men, he will fail. Be careful who you follow.

Judges 8

2-3: I do not understand how Gideon quelled their anger.
     They were upset because they were not called to help with the initial attack (they did not know that God didn't want them there). After they delivered the heads or Oreb and Zeeb they complained to Gideon about the lateness of his call. Gideon quells them with flattery, pure and simple...a very old and effective trick.

2: Who is Abiezer?
     He was the ancestor of Gideon. The eldest son of Gilead, descendant of Manasseh. 

7-9: Gideon does not seem near as gracious in this chapter.

14: Why 77?
     It is hard to say, the number crops up a lot in scripture. I have heard that it is a number of completeness. What I do not understand is why it is used here, in such a small section of the bible.

16: He took thorns? How did he teach the men of Succoth a lesson?
     It was public whipping...then he killed them. John Gill commends Gideon's wisdom in this action. He thinks they deserve it and Gideon was wise to seek out only the elders for this chastisement. But I am not so sure. I just feel that this is not the way that God would have done it, and even if it were, we have no record that God had any part in this display. God always needs to be in front of us as we do battle.

18: "As you are, so were they." What does this phrase mean?
     It could mean that they looked like Gideon, the kings could see the resemblance, this agrees with the next verse where they seem to flatter Gideon by saying that they could have also been kings.

20: How old is a young man considered to be?
     I did not find an answer, it seems to me that he would be less than 30, I have heard that that is the true "coming of age" in that time...which makes sense. I know a lot of men who don't seem very mature until that age... :)

23: Gideon's actions in the next verses do not support his apparent indifference in being their king.

24: Wait...were they Israelites (v. 22) or Ishmaelites? And what does that have to do with owning golden earrings?
     I was misreading, the Israelites defeated the Ishmaelites, and from the spoils of war, each Israelite was to give Gideon an earring.

27: Whored. What a gruesome word to use, but it is accurate. Whenever we turn our faces from God, we are essentially whole-heartedly selling ourselves to something (or someone) else.

33: It is no wonder that the people turned away from God as soon as Gideon died. They were not really following God. They were following Gideon (based on verse 28..."they raised their heads no more.

Gideon seems to have lost all that doubt that he displayed in the previous chapter. He treats his fellow man as the enemy would treat them and then when peace is restored, he leads them back into idolatry. Old habits die REALLY hard. I guess we should learn to never lose that self doubt that dwells in each of us, because when we do, we will revert back to that sinful nature that was our original motivation.

Feeling...dissatisfied

Feeling very unsure of myself right now. I had my first day with students in my 4th year of teaching. Everything went just fine, I had no bad premonitions that any student was going to make my life miserable, I didn't feel like crying at the end of the day (which was totally the truth 3 years ago), I felt pretty much in control all day. I just feel like I am not good enough.

Not good enough.

The enemy stabs at my heart with that one. I want everything to be perfect, in fact, I want to BE perfect. Which is not possible, at least not on my own. Perfect is what I am called to be, but I was never called to do it on my own.

I try so hard to do it on my own, in fact I don't know how to even allow God to "take the wheel" in many circumstances. For example, how do I give it to God when I feel the way that I do today? Dissatisfied, not good enough. The Christianeze answer is: "Just trust that he has it under control and move on."

Ok, how?

Nobody ever seems to be able to answer that one. Pray, meditate on the word, I guess. It is never an easy fix, is it? The truly difficult problems never are.

I wish there actually was an easy button to some of life's problems. But the simple fact is that life is not easy, God never said that it would be. We are constantly tested and tempted by the enemy and our only true defense is from a being that we cannot see, that rarely verbally speaks to us, and we need to work really hard to maintain a close relationship with. But when I come to think of it, the really important relationships in life do to take work to maintain.

So what is the moral of my little rant?

It doesn't matter how I feel, I must trust what I know. I know that God is good and that he desires the best for me. I feel inadequate, but he is more than sufficient for anything that life throws my way. I have to trust him EVEN THOUGH I don't feel him working or see it at the time.

After all "every good thing, every perfect thing comes from above." James 1

First day of inservice

Well, here we go! Off to another exciting year in the field of Art Education. Year four. Baby 2. If I keep having babies at this rate, I am not going to want to come back any more...which would really suit me fine. I love to teach, I hate school politics.

But, one load off my shoulders, I am not teaching yearbook anymore. A strange turn of events. The yearbooks were in my room this morning and for a split second as I was looking through them I was thinking of all the things we did and how we could do things this year...then I realized that I was not doing it any more. No more worrying about students not getting things done, or having to go to all home events to make sure there are pictures, or actually taking over lazy student's pages.

*sigh*

It will be good to have a year off from that. I don't know what next year will bring, but for now, maybe I can focus on some things that I always neglect. Things like interacting more with the students in my classroom, entering artwork into fairs, doing my own art. We'll see.

I really hope and pray that I can be more positive this year. I have a feeling the lack of yearbook will help me with this. But I also know that there are some school politics that will be easy for me to complain about, especially in the teachers lounge...may have to avoid the area sometimes if I really want to stay positive...

I have great ideas for this year. I hope that I can follow through with them.

Emmett is 18 months old today. Baby #2 is 18 weeks old. Fun coincidence. :)

Judges 7

2: I hate those questions that people give after doing a study about something like this. The question would go something like this: "Have you ever been in a situation where God worked through you even though you faced unsurmountable odds?" I hate those questions because I can never think of an answer, and because I can't think of an answer, it makes me feel like I don't trust God when I am in difficult situations, which is likely true in many situations. It makes me feel like a bad Christian...I want there to be a big fat instance that I can bring to mind immediately and wow the listeners with how God has worked in my life. But I suppose that would be boasting in my own achievements... *sigh* I am constantly reminded of my own inadequacy.

5-7: This seems absurd. First of all, who drinks water like a dog? Surely I would think the more...slow witted of people, since it would certainly be more efficient to kneel and cup the water in your hands. Also, how long would it have taken to look at each individual to see how he drinks? God does not seem to care who he takes with him on this particular trip, since he will get all the glory anyway.

15: It is interesting to me that the text does not say that Gideon worshiped God, just that he worshipped. I think it usually mentions God when referring to people worshipping him.

18: Is there self pride in Gideon's shout? Perhaps not, at least not in this stage of his life. Just wait a while...

19: Why is it important that Gideon acted at the beginning of the middle watch?
     Apparently, this was a good time to act because it was dark; and as men were coming back to the camp from their post, other men were coming to take their place. As they heard the glass jars and the shouting and the trumpets, the men who were coming for their watch mistook their comrades for the enemy, thus began to attack them. In the confusion and fear, no one knew what was going on.

25: Why would they bring the heads of the kings to Gideon?
     It was the thing that people did back then. I guess it is a conquering thing.

I was perhaps a little hard on Gideon in the last chapter. He is a little spineless and doubting. He doubted his ability to complete the task that God wanted him to do. But without doubt, he would have blundered in and tried to do it on his own, which would have only resulted in disaster. So the moral of the story is that doubting your ability to complete a task is not bad, as long as you turn to God so that he can work through you. Lord, help me lean on you.

Judges 6

7-10: This is the first rebuke to the Israelites when they called upon God, but the Bible does not say anything about the people's response to God. I wonder if they repented...surely God would not have sent Gideon if they did not repent. Then again, perhaps their repentance was much like Gideon's leadership; gung ho to start, but without the true conviction to see it through.

11: What is a terebinth?

     It is a smallish tree.

15: "Weakest in my tribe" "youngest in my household" God likes to do that, just to prove how big he is.

27: I understand the fear Gideon feels. My family means the world to me and disappointing them would make me very uneasy.

28: Where was this Asherah that the men of town would not hear all the commotion of an alter being built, a bull being slaughtered and a pole being cut down and chopped?

31: For all Gideon's fear, his father backed him up, I wonder what it would have been like if he had let his father in on the plan. God wanted it to happen, so it would have been done either way. I am sure that the father would have appreciated his son's trust, or at least some heads up.

35: Too many names in the Bible to keep straight. I wish it would call them by their original tribe names to keep me from confusion!

36-40: Finicky little fellow, wasn't he?

God can use any of us, even when we are unsure of our ability. The key is to trust him. TRUST HIM!

Judges 5

6: What are "byways"? Why are they safer than highways?
     Other versions say "crooked paths" or "winding pathways" or "side roads." This amounts to going the long way around to avoid the trouble presented on the main roads.

23: Who is Meroz? And isn't it odd to say that they did not come to the "help of the Lord?" My God never needs help...
     It is not that God needed the help, it was just the fact that they did not help their fellow man. So they are mentioned cursed.

30: Why are we talking about spoil? What is meant by "A womb or two for every man?"
     This is the reason why Sisera's mother (hypothetically) assumes that he is late in coming home. He is taking home riches of various kinds, and yes, enough female slaves for every male to have one or two.

Answer the call of the Lord! And he will do great things with your life.
Right now, I feel my call is to think less of myself. Be a little more selfless and serve a bit more. My husband especially, of whom I expect so much...

Judges 4

13: I understand that the 900 chariots of Iron went into the river by the helpful commentary in my Bible, but it never actually says that in the chapter...how can we know for sure that this is what happened?
     It's explained in the next chapter...keep reading!

15: What exactly does it mean- The Lord "routed" Sisera and all his men before Barak?
     I think that the point is that this is God's victory. No human genius could have predicted the flood that took the chariots advantage away from the Canaanites.  

     

19: Is it significant that Jael gave Sisera milk instead of water?
     There could be many reasons. One explanation may be that she was giving him more than he asked for. Whereby gaining his trust and making him relax. In Judges 5:25 Deborah said, "He asked for water, she gave milk; She brought out cream in a lordly bowl." Having a full stomach also may have helped him fall into a deeper sleep so that she could do her dirty work. 

21: The woman had a lot of nerve...why the tent peg? why drive it all the way through his head? wouldn't one good hit have taken him out?
     She may not have even known why she did it this way, but God used it as a symbol of the slow, suspenseful manner in which God subdued Jabin king of Canaan. 

It was faith in the Lord that won this battle. Sometimes we need to set aside what we know (that 10,000 Israelites on foot) could not defeat a technologically advanced force (chariots). Know that we always need to ask God for wisdom, but we also need to step out in faith and meet our battles head on and watch God work!

Judges Resources

Dave Mitchell Sunday Sermon: March 2 - May 10, 2014.

Tom Nelson, Denton Bible Church Sunday Sermon: October 1999-May 2000

The Beginning

I don't really know how this is going to turn out for me. I have never done a blog and truth be told, it kind of scares me. But I really want a place where I can keep track of my thoughts as I read the living word.

My "experiences" in the word and in prayer have been...less than stellar of late and I am trying to take steps to remedy my slack. I understand that the blog alone will not solve the problem, but this is my first step toward trying to break away from the doubt and dullness that seems to fill my days.

I know that God is good, and he lives within me, but I wish that he would be more direct sometimes. When I want answers, I WANT THEM NOW! But it seems more often than not, I do not get what I want. Hopefully, having this blog will help me to dig a little deeper and make His word more meaningful.

So, here we go!