Not sleeping sucks

I am so tired, but I am not sleeping. I hope that I am not becoming an insomniac. This happened to me last night too, only last night I was in my little hospital room and I could go down and see my newborn son. This morning I am at home, and while it is wonderful to be home, I can't go see my son at will.

I didn't go to church yesterday. I could have, but I just didn't think I could face all the questions and comments. Not that they would have been really bad, it just didn't feel right to leave my newborn in the hospital and go off to church. Oh! how I want him home! My eyes are filling as I type, but I don't know if it's from hormones or from lack of sleep.

I tried to read on in Samuel, but as soon as I start the passage, by eyes unfocus and my mind seems to shut off. I guess I will just read something a little less mind engaging and a little more encouraging.

Looks like it is going to be the first part of Proverbs 3:

1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. 
When I am not sleeping, my mind is racing (at least it has been lately). I am thinking about all the things that I need to do and want to do; many of which will not get done. I simply do not have enough time to do all the things that I need to do, which is why not being able to sleep is so frustrating. I could be doing stuff right now! If I could only quiet my mind and remember God's teaching, maybe I could get some rest.

3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. 
I often try to recite a verse while I lay, I didn't try tonight, I'm not sure why. I know that I am very distracted. I need to make sure that I do that before I get up, because it would be much better for me if I could just sleep! I guess that what I have been doing while not sleeping is worrying. On the other hand, sometimes I come up with some great ideas while laying there with nothing else to do. I need some kind of balance...

4 So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 
I don't know why the Lord is not granting me sleep...I guess part of the reason is because I have not asked for it. Lord, please help me sleep this morning. There, that being done, if I still can't sleep then there must be a reason for it, whether I ever find out why is up to God. But maybe he just wanted me to spend some time in his word, which I had not done yesterday. It doesn't make sense to me as to why I can't sleep. I am tired, therefore, I should sleep. Yet here I am... God, help me accept my current lot and trust that you have it all under control, because I can't control any of it!

6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 
Even in this circumstance I can recognize that you are in the drivers seat. I need to be a good passenger and not try to take the wheel. You know the right roads and you will lead me where I need to be. It is getting harder to accept my son's presence in the NICU as time passes. All I want is for him to be home, and there is nothing I can do about that, It's so frustrating! Jesus, please help me to let this go and trust in you. Please help me sleep.