I am so frustrated! My son has been in the Hospital NICU for a week and a day. I really thought he would be home by now. He's not. Today I am feeling anxious and sorry for myself because Hudson may not make it home for Christmas. This evening I have found myself tearing up at random times and sometimes the tears just flow. As I was looking over at his bassinet, filled with bottles and pump parts, I lost it. There is supposed to be a baby in there!
In the hospital they feed him every 3 hours around the clock with 50 ml milk. EVERY 3 hours. When a baby is home, they at least have the privilege to sleep for a bit longer if they want to. My son sleeps all the time and always needs to be woken for feeding.
I know that they are doing what "studies say" and what they are paid to do. But I just...I don't know...I want to blame someone, I guess. I know that I am feeling sorry for myself, and likely overacting. But I can't help it. I am at home with an incomplete family.
I am on maternity leave and I cannot really fulfill my maternal duties.
Lord, help! Perspective. He will be home soon, if not for Christmas, then shortly after. He won't be there forever. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
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