Here it is past 10 and I never did a QT this morning. I was too tired, and Hudson got up at 5 again, so I laid in bed with him instead. It seems to be an impossibility to me to be able to have any kind of schedule right now. Not with 2 little ones.
It also seems impossible for me be able to start a business of any kind. I am so tired at the end of the day that I can think of nothing except sleep. And I have never been a morning person, but even if I was, Hudson is making it impossible to have any time in the morning.
But this is not the attitude that I ought to have. I need to stay positive. If I cannot believe that it can happen, then it won't. It all depends on if I want it to happen. Do I? or are there more important things that I ought to be placing emphasis on.
The truth of the matter is, I wanted to start an online business because I wanted to make a little extra money. Brian is not exactly being the bread winner of the family. It hurts me to say it, but it is true, he and I both know it. It is not that he is not trying, he just can't seem to make it past some invisible barrier in his business. Plus he is not very good at time management.
Then again, neither am I. I try, but I have so little extra time right now. I keep a list and I do accomplish things every day. But not enough.
Even now, my brain is starting to shut down and I will soon be unable to focus on the small task of typing my thoughts.
I wish that I had a magic button that would make Brian make more money. I wish that I could do something to help him prioritize his time better. I wish, I wish, I wish.
All I can do is keep going, and trust that God has everything under control. I have been praying a bit more and trying to keep my bible verses in my mind. I still feel no closer to God, but as I said, I continue to try. God help me.
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