Sometimes I look around at my house and just want to sit down and cry for the filth and clutter. I just wish I could do without sleep. I would have so much more time! But I suppose the whole sleeping thing is a part of trusting God.
Ever since the birth of my second son and the subsequent desire to make more money for our family, I have had little time and little desire to seek Jesus.
I know that part of living in Christ is trusting him even when we don't feel it, but I don't think that I have felt him in me in years. Seriously. How sad is that?
And I don't know what to do about it. I have been obedient to pray and read (at least a little) most days. but I don't feel connected and I don't desire to spend time in his word or in prayer. It is all obligation.
I can't just keep doing what I am doing. That would be the definition of insanity (thank you Einstein for one of my favorite quotes). But what can I do? What could I do as a plan of action?
How about a prayer. A simple prayer that I repeat throughout the day to help connect me with my savior. Or perhaps a verse to repeat and really take to heart throughout my day.
In the end I just need to spend more time with him. The only way that a relationship can grow is if you give it time and energy. So I will continue to read at night and pray a little and review my verse during the first baby feeding. Then on weekdays I can pray before each class, just a little blurb.
We'll start there.
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