Overwhelmed

I am feeling slightly overwhelmed, very tired, and sort of beyond hope. Let me explain.

Home: There is always so much to do. I will never catch up. Right now the dishes are pretty much done (YAY!) but the living room is a mess and the house hasn't been vacuumed in over a week, and my dresser top is covered by who knows what and the bathroom is pretty gross, and the list goes on.

It's too much.

Business: I am not doing anything to further the new business venture that I started a couple of months ago. I have not had enough time in the last couple of weeks. I may get a half hour here or there, but that is not enough time to really get things going. If I really want this thing to succeed, I am going to have to find more time. But I don't see where that time is going to come from. The evening hours used to be my friend, but now I feel just as tired at night as I do in the morning.

Getting old.

Busy: Work has been very busy these last couple of weeks. Which is part of the reason that I have had no time to work on my business. I hosted the league art show at the school. It went well, but I am still exhausted. It ended yesterday

So tired.

I don't now what to do. Get up early? Perhaps. This goes against my nature, but as I said, I am not the person I used to be. I can't be up late and function at the same time, even this hour is a stretch, My eyes are drooping and I am having difficulty focusing on the words being typed. I won't be doing anything else this evening.

For now, I will get up 15 minutes early to do a QT. Just 15 minutes...I can do it!

1 Samuel 22

2: sounds a bit like Jesus. 

8: some men are so blind. Saul had everything he needed. He had God on his side, in the beginning at least, he had a loyal son and commander, and he had all the riches that he needed. But it appears that his heart was not really changed. If a man who had all that couldn't see, how is there hope for the rest? 

18: it's no wonder that no one names their son Doeg.  What a despicable individual. This goes beyond snitch.

God gives all the ability to see. But only a few will take the opportunity to put on the glasses.

Stagnate

I feel so stagnate.

Sometimes I look around at my house and just want to sit down and cry for the filth and clutter. I just wish I could do without sleep. I would have so much more time! But I suppose the whole sleeping thing is a part of trusting God.

Ever since the birth of my second son and the subsequent desire to make more money for our family, I have had little time and little desire to seek Jesus.

I know that part of living in Christ is trusting him even when we don't feel it, but I don't think that I have felt him in me in years. Seriously. How sad is that?

And I don't know what to do about it. I have been obedient to pray and read (at least a little) most days. but I don't feel connected and I don't desire to spend time in his word or in prayer. It is all obligation.

I can't just keep doing what I am doing. That would be the definition of insanity (thank you Einstein for one of my favorite quotes). But what can I do? What could I do as a plan of action?

How about a prayer. A simple prayer that I repeat throughout the day to help connect me with my savior. Or perhaps a verse to repeat and really take to heart throughout my day.

In the end I just need to spend more time with him. The only way that a relationship can grow is if you give it time and energy. So I will continue to read at night and pray a little and review my verse during the first baby feeding. Then on weekdays I can pray before each class, just a little blurb. 

We'll start there. 

1 Samuel 21

9: would that sword not be HUGE? How could David wield it? 

      The size of the sword is unimportant. Obviously he was able to use it, otherwise he would not have taken it. I think the important message is that God provided for him when he had nothing.

10: David did not trust God. Not that I would've done any better if I face the same situation. I can only pray that God will help me have faith.